so much joy, so much pain

       In this part of the universe the growing relationship with friends Charlie and Jennie, the moving of the Holy Ghost, going out to paint for the first time in two years, burden bearing the cries of my friend over the telephone, the yin and yang tug and push of God in my life -- it's all happening at the impulse of His love.
    A combination of stress over my friends last Saturday night, and the attack of pain in my upper left arm, drove me to seek relief Sunday morning at the E.R.
   The doctor recommended blood tests for me and said I should stay at the hospital all day Sunday, and over night. I was released around 10:30 am Monday morning. A distinct pain in my upper left arm prevented me from sleep. None of the blood testing relieved THAT sensation. I left the hospital with the same annoying pain that came in with me.
    Friends and family rejoiced that all the blood tested came out NORMAL. The cardiologist on Wednesday affirmed I am in the clear. Thanks for the many prayers on my behalf.
    As soon as I was released, my wife drove us over to a chiropractic clinic in Carrollton-- and what was DONE TO ME, quieted that distinct pain in my arm. That night I slept without THAT nerve signal keeping me awake.    I was negotiating a host of other "new pains" though. The ice gel pack I bought helped.
    I am hanging on to my faith in the goodness of the One who loves and leads me thru these pains. When I go to the grocery store I cannot linger while I shop. My neck muscles and body reactions are telling me to get done with business and get OUT OF THERE. My emotions are calm inside, my body is going haywire.

    So, now it's last Tuesday morning--while I am waiting for my weekly wound clinic appointment--the Holy Ghost is downloading new verses to a song I penned back in 1990, twenty-five years ago!! New verses out of the pain and joy I am experiencing right now! The walk with a god that is interacting with me daily, friendships, crisis, art, being mindful of my limitations, stepping out to sing in Charlie's living room, Jennie and him chopping up tree debris in our side yard, such big giving hearts, and now being pumped full of joy out of this re-mixed re-honed melody and verse.
     My leg nurse regarded me busy with my papers and pen on the waiting table, where I usually relax before being attended to. When the vibe is right it all flows together, I told her. She said it sounded like a gift. I told her, when the vibe is not there I can't do anything, it just won't work!!
    After the treatment and my ankle getting dressed with wrapping gauze, I hobbled back to the lobby, and plopped in a seat--to resume the re-write. I told Nancy Lock who passed by: "there is so much joy and so much pain right now. And God is bringing forth a new song to sing at church." She replied, "Looks like God is giving you creativity!!"

    Five days later the chant is ready. I have two versions. One is slow and clear for learning the verses. The second runs through the chant at a regular pace, what I envision will be the congregations pace later. The chant is based on Philippians chapter 4 verses 4 and 6. I've never been able to put music to it and, in my opinion, it is not meant to be a performance-song. But rather, something to say, speak, and get into your spirit. For faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Hearing it over and over builds a neural pathway and you remember the content, it becomes a part of who you are.

     All that You are has proven to be
     You act, You give, and You lift me
     You speak, You release,
     for this I give praise
     Sing it again !!
     Your name I raise.

I love these words. A declaration of where I am and who God is to me.

joy spills

        a lesson is being built for my youth wednesday night. in the days leading up to it, my mind feels like it has been hidden in his cloak. keeping my thoughts still, staying within the boundaries. (double click to see details enlarged)

my prayer is this:

 

 

     as a grownup i struggled with bitterness issues, personal choices to hang on to karl grudges. And then god came in and brought release to personal pain...in tears and healing, and with it, his peace and new joy. this tune came to me in 1991 with new impressions laid out top of my being. he restores my insecurities, my pain, my bitterness. he forgives when i ask for his help. and his tears and joy are worth all the counselling and prayers. (beloved video below)

 

    

so, my doodles embellish the hand-lettered song sheets that the youth and I sing from.
 

 

 new calluses are forming on fingers that haven't held metal guitar strings for a while
 



 

a tune that comes to me when I am loading the suburban with lunch containers from the high school or when I am driving home after work (video next)

 

when I first scoped out the youth room one sunday morning

two songs came to mind: "beauty for ashes" & "joy is a flag."

these premonitions and impressions have me all excited.

i am seeing living water flow from students as they open themselves
and share the impressions that come.

The portions I journal for myself remind me
that
this is really
happening.

a grownup can be broken open
and amazed each time 
this precious entity presses in.

 

 

Two minute medley. Beauty for ashes (Bob Manzano, 1979)

Joy is a flag flown high from the castle of my heart (Author unknown)

 

this zone blesses my day

streaming over

At the impulse of your love, at the impulse of your LOVE, at the IMPULSE of your love--it comes. Streaming fowler--rockhill memos--names off the record--the positioning of gertrude woolf lighton--jim edd spencer--subjects geary logan lankes leighton had in common. A sheet filled with ideas, my truck cruising over the late green of north carroll county, toward work in chillicothe. spirit sparking flashes, lines of data, to a writer's glee, your whee, your manner of business, downloading file after file. Thanks Lord. This is what you bring to me.
You heard my cry and flooded my data banks to overflowing. The abundance of mulberry essence, your sense, your timing, your impulse, effortless, soundless music to my mind, all you, sweet you, my God. It comes.

Remember it, as the evidence lays ready to the right of the keyboard. Recall the goodness,the magnitude of him, who leads you into MORE. Delectable, always tending to your needs. Thank you Lord. Pull me back to your name, your genuine attention, your assurance, your fullness, your poetry, your symphony of good coded in my mitochondria.

you restore missing files from the hard drive, files buried within other files, you help me extract and consolidate: geary, spencer, memos, holly street, lighton. with clear air you release organization, thank you, thank jesus, thank you father, transfer complete, blessed be your magnificent power, your blessed interface, your pronouced exactitude,
 

 

"Delight in Me," you whisper close. On this cool day in September, yard blessed with new green shoots, leaves chanting your praise, windows open to refresh the house, cats napping and listening to the rustle breeze, I delight, Oh Lord, I remember, Oh God, I smile. Fingers tapping, pauses choosing, yes, to your credit, you are worthy of word and song.

 



june thoughts

      in this third week of june the "ease of blogging" has been disrupted. the fred geary presentation, the completion of the six color reductive linocut, photos stuck in a hard drive of a dead computer, all of it disconnected.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX   joys come inspite of this circumstance. ~~~Thank you for protecting me from snakes as I move down the levee into the wild areas. You keep my truck safe. You watch over my tires. You give insight and keep me from getting stuck. You lead me to a pleasant grove with mulberries juicy and ready to pluck and enjoy. This is your abundance, this is your joy over me, a hidden delight  with you, your hands involved--I am not forgotten. Trees tall going up up up, sand, and shade,  just what I was hoping for, you lay it at my feet. You keep me safe, Jesus. Thank you for your constant attention.---
       This day I paint the surface of the river, the wind roars around me like a dragon, do I run now? No harm comes near, I remain and paint with my ears on alert for danger.---
       Before I fall asleep, you hear me. "Wake me up at 6 in the morning. Make me wide awake." Six o'clock comes and my eyes are open, ready to go out to paint. You answer. You enable. You travel.--
      With us, we work, we paint the donut window with dancing donuts, Jan's logo, her blue cup and brown donut and rising sun rays, yes, you make this pair, this team, click and work cooperatively, enjoying her, getting the work done, going forward, we help, we laugh, window colors in enamel, your YES glistens in our eyes---
     Surprised by a friend who remembers me, recalling our early days of service at the local newspaper. Your joy sweeps across my face, laughter, your YES, your happiness, welcome here.--
     Saturday morning I meet the one you picked out, the man from Texas, who will lead us forward into tomorrow's technology. You arranged for the agreement to take place, Jesus. One month later this comes forth, from the unseeable future, HERE HE IS, your gift to the Print Society, wow, look at that, wow.---
     Father, you hear. In the unevenness and uncertainty, among my garbage, inspite of my gripes and whines, you bring your surprises right now. Savior, Near, my Vast Intensity Joy Undivided.

Mylar ribbons shine in the window in 1998.

Young intensity pours out the door onto the side walk.

 14 North Main hops with reggae music and dreadlocks.

The band from Tennessee, Temple Yard, takes 

a music break at That Phat Phish coffeehouse 

and signs willing palms and arms.

 

It is a warm summer night 

on the Carrollton downtown courthouse lawn.

Teenage cars circle the square.

The next alternative band to take the 

flatbed stage is Empire from Kansas City,

courtesy of That Phat Phish coffeehouse in 1998.

 

In this season of art, our coffeehouse staff  

rides a wave of excitement.

This works.

Inside there is popcorn and hot chocolate,

hanging out and being there. 

 

 

It is another Saturday night at the Phish....Kevin and his young friends ask me about the pictures made out of brightly-colored flattened cans, chunks of asphalt, a butterfly wing, painted shopping sack strips, a dirty knit glove, shiny Dorito bag liners, and silver glitter. 

 

 

I tell the kids to look at the collages 

and tell me what might be represented.

The answers they give bring me wonder and joy.

Blonde mop top Kevin 

stares for a minute

at a dirty glove 

surrounded

by dark dingy shapes 

at the bottom of the piece, 

and then at the orange orb above

floating in a sky of silver.

 "It is someone reaching up to the Lord," he says.

His sister Danielle says something about 
two blue hand shapes
with a teardrop of bright red 
on each palm
 outlined with silver glitter,
set against a purple background:

"They are the hands of Jesus."
She notes the telltale spots of red which represent the blood scars.

 

 Danielle doesn't miss a thing. 
When asked what the glitter might be 
she says plainly:
 "That's us!! 
We are in the wounds of Jesus. 
That is where he heals us."


Beautiful Fire by Karl Marxhausen, potato chip liners, plastic cup, ice bag remains, wristbands, and silver paint on panel, 17 by 11 inches, 1998.

In Roman times, when Christianity went underground, the drawn dirt outline of a fish indicated one was a follower of the risen rabbi from Nazareth, the Messiah, Yeshua, Jesus. It is 2011, and in the United States, the land of many open faiths, I say, Jesus is so P-H-A-T. He is Pretty Hot And Tempting. The Lover of my soul. He is beautiful fire. My joy, my savior, my peace, my defender, my strength, my deliverer, my provision, my rest, my rescue, my choice, the MORE, the YES, the LIGHT, the Smart Embrace.

Collage #4 by Karl Marxhausen, 17 by 11 inches, plastic, foil, knitted glove, squashed soda cans, felt, oil and acrylic paint on panel, 1998.

Elsewhere art exhibit, All Souls Gallery, 4501 Walnut, Kansas City, MO. November 6th to December 2nd, 2011

CES installation

  

boxes were being unpacked

      bags of miniature pom balls 

           and colored pipe cleaners

              stacks of fresh drawing paper

                                 and pounds of clay

        snakes of paper packing lay on the floor

                    may I build a large weaving? i asked 

GO FOR IT!! replied the CES art-teacher, my wife.

Click video to explore paper creation

Two minute video.

over and under
paper snakes
are tucked

colored strings
fasten

tissue paper
hang down

one hour + 

one hour + 
one hour = 
makes 
a giant fun 





tethered to ceiling 
with cords and pencils 
is a puzzle to solve



and lighter than one can imagine







 

will there be a student who calls out:

HEY, CAN I MAKE ONE OF THOSE???