prayer had been said for me, tears had flowed as i laid on betty's living room carpet. at one point larry was asking me to speak simple words with my lips. i could not do it. i would not do it. my jaw was clenched. the muscles stubborn. my mind heard his request. my body was unwilling. weird, right? after many mental tries, the words were eventually formed and spoken, "jesus is lord."
there have been times in my faith walk when the unexpected happened. like, loosing my ability to walk, walking woozy at mc donalds, being drunk with no substances in my system, and falling down on the floor in the front of the church with other parishioners, during ministry time. The king james bible records roman solders falling down like dead men at the tomb where jesus was buried. daniel, ezekiel, and john all fell down like dead men. it has happened to me, while being in the presence of one i could not see.
but---letting tears roll, having muscles twitch and jerk, feeling repeat contractions in my chest and legs, the grunts and groans, laying on the carpet while the unseen interfaces with you---is all worth the release, healing, and calm that follows. unexplainable, yes. illogical, very. irrational, of course. still, it is biblical. the risen jesus and his holy interface is a reality. coming undone and unraveling in his presence is blessed.
there is no one-time fix. that has not been my experience. mine has been a path where one is unwilling yet led. where a choice of yes comes with prompts from an outside source. a unnatural relationship. he breaks in and brings sanity to my life. everyone who calls upon this lord will be made sane. i am the one found clothed in my right mind.
Unraveling In His Embrace by Karl Marxhausen, 36 by 48 inches, acrylic on canvas.Elsewhere art exhibit, All Souls Gallery, 4501 Walnut, Kansas City, MO. November 6th to December 2nd, 2011