who am i that god should care

  

Let every body stand up and shout, This is the One who helped me out.

It was something that God wanted to do
Something that God wanted to do
It was something that God wanted to do for me

Nothing I was worthy of
Yet He did it for me in His love
Something that I thank Him for
Something of His mercy
Something of His power
Something of His glory

Who am I that He should love me?
Who am I that God should care?
All my shame and guilt He carried
Such a love has no compare

It was nothing I was worthy of
Yet he did it for me in His love
Something that I thank Him for
Something of His mercy
Something of His power
Something of His glory















I'm a child of my Father
He loves me, I am His own
I'm His child for ever and ever
To my God do I belong

It was nothing I was worthy of
Yet he did it for me in His love
Something that I thank Him for
Something of His mercy
Something of His power
Something of His glory

Something
Something


Worship video. Seven minutes. 2015 guitar and voice.

Something that I thank Him for
Thank You, Jesus
Something that I thank Him for
Thank You, Jesus
Something that I thank Him for
Thank You, Jesus
Something that I thank Him for
Thank You, Jesus

Something of His mercy mercy
Something of His mercy mercy
I don't deserve it but You gave it
I don't deserve it but You gave it
I don't deserve it but You gave it
I don't deserve it but You gave it

 













Something of His power power
Something of His power power
You are mighty, You do declare it
You are mighty, You do declare it
You are mighty, You do declare it
You are mighty, You do declare it

Something of His glory glory
Something of His glory glory
Yes I know the Name
Yes I know the Name
Yes I know the Name
and You are good

Let them know the Name
Let them know the Name
Let them know the Name
for You are good

Let every body stand up and shout
This is the One who helped me out
Let every body stand up and shout
This is the One who helped me out
Let every body stand up and shout
This is the One who helped me out
Let every body stand up and shout
This is the One who helped me out

It was something that God wanted to do
Something that God wanted to do
It was something that God wanted to do
For me and you and you and me

It was something that God wanted to do
Something that God wanted to do
It was something that God wanted to do for me

Wanted (lyrics and guitar chords) by Karl Marxhausen, copyright 2015.

joy spills

        a lesson is being built for my youth wednesday night. in the days leading up to it, my mind feels like it has been hidden in his cloak. keeping my thoughts still, staying within the boundaries. (double click to see details enlarged)

my prayer is this:

 

 

     as a grownup i struggled with bitterness issues, personal choices to hang on to karl grudges. And then god came in and brought release to personal pain...in tears and healing, and with it, his peace and new joy. this tune came to me in 1991 with new impressions laid out top of my being. he restores my insecurities, my pain, my bitterness. he forgives when i ask for his help. and his tears and joy are worth all the counselling and prayers. (beloved video below)

 

    

so, my doodles embellish the hand-lettered song sheets that the youth and I sing from.
 

 

 new calluses are forming on fingers that haven't held metal guitar strings for a while
 



 

a tune that comes to me when I am loading the suburban with lunch containers from the high school or when I am driving home after work (video next)

 

when I first scoped out the youth room one sunday morning

two songs came to mind: "beauty for ashes" & "joy is a flag."

these premonitions and impressions have me all excited.

i am seeing living water flow from students as they open themselves
and share the impressions that come.

The portions I journal for myself remind me
that
this is really
happening.

a grownup can be broken open
and amazed each time 
this precious entity presses in.

 

 

Two minute medley. Beauty for ashes (Bob Manzano, 1979)

Joy is a flag flown high from the castle of my heart (Author unknown)

 

this zone blesses my day

Peter, Cole, and Me

"How are you now?" he asked me, during the question and answer time.  I looked at my basketball teammate from recess and replied, "I know where to get help now. As a grownup I do get mad from time to time, but I have learned how to handle it." The blonde fourth grader went on, "You are just like me. I have anger issues too and I am working on them here."

Our group had finished listening to the book "Touching Spirit Bear." Ms. Price and Ms. Allen had read chapters to us after we came in from recess each day.

The author Ben Mikaelsen told about the struggle of two juveniles, Cole and Peter, on a remote Alaskan island. Pain and anger, justice and healing were central to that story. Near the end Cole and Garvey helped Peter deal with his feelings. The scene where Peter cried uncontrollably and was held in the arms of Cole meant a lot to me.

The two teachers I work with in the Behavior Management Program had me speak to the group today about an art collage on the wall. After discussing the street materials I used in the collage, I tied the image to Peter and Cole.

I too had anger issues growing up. Anger at my parents, anger at myself, holding on to grudges, wanting to get even. The hurt caused by words did take longer to heal than physical cuts do. (Something Garvey told Cole in the story) For me, the feelings had been stomped down inside. Mom could blowup at our house, but I could not. Bitterness shaped how I related to others. Then, help came. Twenty-five years ago painful feelings resurfaced in my life and I cried many tears. There were shoulders for me to cry on. Tears were a good thing. They have become a treasure. When the pain was pushed out, it was replaced with peace, lots of peace and healing. It also brought JOY and HOPE into my grownup life. I came to forgive myself and others.

When I gaze at the collage I think of an explosion, things flying through the air in a freeze-frame. It reminded me of the help I got. In the center was the butterfly, the One-who-gave-me-help, and all around was the glitter, his activity, breaking off problems that were bigger than I could handle, huge things beyond my control. I think of the JOY and HOPE, the people who helped me through it, the holy spirit and his reply, his answer, his deliverance. Real time, real life, real rescue, real help.

One of the classroom posters told us to use our words to say what we FEEL. Writing about the anger helps. Drawing about it helps.

 

The laminated blue poster on the wall has three life goals in our classroom. 1) I CAN take good care of myself, even if I am mad. 2) I CAN be okay, even when others are not ok. 3) I CAN be productive and follow directions, even if I am mad. (BIST)

 There was one collage on the wall I had not talked about. Students could check it out sometime, touch it carefully, but not tear any of it off.                                                         Consider these two questions. 1) What materials might it be made of? 2) How does it make you feel? Dark? Sad?

It was then I took questions from the group, seated at tables, at cubicles, in the recovery room, sitting on chairs. Today.

 

 

(Book cover courtesy of Ben Mikaelsen website, http://www.benmikaelsen.com/books_touchingspiritbear.html, Ben Mikaleson Audio Interview at Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Mikaelsen, BIST (Behavior Intervention Support Team) poster quote, http://www.bist.org/components/com_virtuemart/shop_image/product/Goals_for_Life_P_4b27084d807e8.jpg,  More on BIST and OZEMAN, http://www.ozanam.org/, accessed March 21, 2013)

it comes

His way is not my way, Isaiah 55: 8 tells me. He's been telling me to “drink in his peace--let go off fretting—rely on what he brings my way—thank him for the things that disappoint as well as the things that bring joy.” 

As I looked off to the side I could see the leaning cloud with its astute shading. My feet pedaled, the sprockets clicked, the rubber tires moved me gently over the rough tarmack of Highway B. It was like God was doing X games. You know those amazing riders on ESPN who flew high, somersaulted their bikes, and landed smoothly on the down turned ramp. God was twirling his bike handles in mid air, a fancy cloud stacked with flair, and his voice said to me, “look at this! Isn’t it cool?!”  I replied in my head, ‘That is fine, God. I am happy for you. How majestic is your name. How clever are your skills. I am truly impressed. But what will it be that you will bring to me??? What will be the thing you want me to paint?’

I used to feel intimidated by the wonders of nature. Felt compelled to master what I saw. Yanked this way and that. How majestic is your name. It is enough to give him credit for his astounding compositions in nature. I am drawn to wait. What surprise does he have set aside for me….

Easel faced toward the east end of my neighbor’s waning pond, the willows in shade, the edge of the water receded from the heat wave. Half way through the morning, God brought his awesome clouds into the patch of blue,  just behind the tree tops. Combinations from the brush excited me. Eagerly I ran to the shed and into the house to pull out paintings with unfinished skies. Darkened values received a new coat of titanium white and cobalt blue, swish spish swash splash. Muscles jubilant, awash with joy. It came,  just as he had said it would. Yes, he brought this moment along with the energy and spunk. He who is high about the tree tops. He who brought something unexpected. He who brought peace to drink. A light load to bear. A smile for my heart. 

Floating on my back in the Walmart rim-inflated pool, I looked up at the green pattern above, fuzzy without my glasses. How majestic is your name, Father. Jesus, this way, your way, high above the branches, is not my way. Walk away, you tell me. Walk away from my greed. Nothing escapes your attention. Time and again I fall back on my sneaky ways. Your restraining order is a discipline with which you are training me. Train me, Lord. Help me to wait. I will drink in your peace. Personal trainer, lead me in your word. Train my heart. Teach me your way. You are doing it well. Your peace quiets my mind, when it comes