misunderstood his inner life

     When I was in my thirties I was in Des Moines, Iowa; working thinking breathing. Making a name for myself. An artist through and through, not able to support my family from the portraits I painted. Instead, spending my nights vacuuming, emptying trash, stripping floors, waxing, and doing janitorial work. Church wise, I was outside the denomination of my birth, hearing other lingo, other ways of praising God, other ways to pray, other ways to be. And drawing my new conclusions.
     One of which was toward my dad. I could not perceive his inner life.
     For his part, there seemed to be a lot of doing, making, and drawing attention to what Dad did.
     I misunderstood his relationship.
     What was inside.
     I wrote long letters to Nebraska to dad, arguing. My passion was seen as anger. I didn't see his connection to God. It wasn't all the new ways I was experiencing God in Des Moines. It wasn't the songs we were singing. It wasn't the rhythm we were swaying to. What had been familiar to me growing up in my parent's church, looked more and more foreign. Distant. Out of touch.

     Now I am the age my dad had been, looking back at photos so young and lively, so engaged. The way Dad operated back then was really hidden from my young eyes. Dad's thinking came out of listening to the One who makes. Dad drank in the sacred scriptures, musing, listening, wondering. His inner being shaped by the One who names and treasures the seeking soul.

     I see it now. Deep praises pressed into treated wood, burned by a red-hot welded letter, something Dad himself created
for branding.

    Always near,
        hovering, close,
            pulling Dad into the next
   set of problem solving,
        which later manifested itself
            as a mosaic panel
               or a candle holder
      or resembled a cross shape.

Lemteyoso
This same Lord, this same baptism, this same Word
        hovering, close,
        drawing my moments into His gaze, His study and
         feeling His emotion for me
being known, His heart stirred stirs me

Lemteyoso
    in the act of making
        the LORD draws close
        to uncover His feelings for me
     "you are not forsaken,
                   not alone,
                   not abandoned"
the way His Wind BREAKS into moments of NOW
  to catch me once again
     for me He is active - alive - intent -
        - generating emotions of gratitude for His Son

    this pulse of Another
      initiating in me - hope - joy - longing 

    makes a way   to belong to Him
    makes it possible   to know His thoughts
    balances the weight of these photos I am sifting

one in the boat

My Brother by Karl Marxhausen

acrylic on panel

(Private collection in Cameron, Missouri)

 

My Sister In Ethiopia by Karl Marxhausen

acrylic on panel

(Private collection in Bellingham, Washington)

 

 

My Sister In Prayer by Karl Marxhausen

acrylic on panel

(Private collection in Carrollton, Missouri) 

 

  

Brother Obermueller by Karl Marxhausen

acrylic on panel

(Private collection in Carrollton, Missouri)

  

One Wrapped in Light by Karl Marxhausen

acrylic on panel

(Artist's collection in Carrollton, Missouri)

Listen to four minute song 
from  "Dancing With The Chromosone" recording 2000
http://karl.marxhausen.net/DWC/10-Who_Are_You.mp3
 
Who are You, Man of God?
Who are You, Man of God?
Who are You?
I read about You, You're the One in the boat,
waves are crashing all around them,
They don't know if they can float.

Who are You, oh Man of God?
Who are You, oh Man of God?
And with Your mouth You speak a command,
and the wind and the waves they OBEY.
What is this?
What is this?
Now you're telling me the things around me,
the wind and the ocean, obey his voice? WHO is this?

I let You in as my Savior, I'm learning about You every day,
Your scriptures tell me about what You did for me and that's ok,
but who are You to stop the waves?
Who are You to bring peace in a storm? Who are You?

Behind Those Stars by Karl Marxhausen

And in this class of biology, I am reading about
the smallest things that I can't see,
There You are, putting it together
So intelligent and smart You are.
I guess it's in the Bible, how You made all things
And in all things, things find their place in You.
Who are You, oh Man of God?

Who are You, oh Man of God?
Owner of a thousand hills, owner of a thousand cattle, You're the One.
Outside time You made this place,
not only on Earth, but in outer space.

Holy, I find You rare.
Such a love has no compare.
I'm a child of my Father
You love me, I am Your own.

How can I understand this?
Like David I'm found wanting.
I don't understand You,
Who are You, oh Man of God?
I believe You, I receive You, help me through it....

Karl Marxhausen © 2000

You Embrace Me, How Can You? by Karl Marxhausen

acrylic on panel

(Artist's collection in Carrollton, Missouri)

Wired To Hear Your Voice by Karl Marxhausen
       40 3/4  by 64 inches, acrylic and oyster shell on board

(Artist's collection in Carrollton, Missouri)

More on this work HERE

 

Open by Karl Marxhausen

acrylic on panel

(Artist's collection in Carrollton, Missouri)

 

 
    prayer had been said for me, tears had flowed as i laid on betty's living room carpet. at one point larry was asking me to speak simple words with my lips. i could not do it. i would not do it. my jaw was clenched. the muscles stubborn. my mind heard his request. my body was unwilling. weird, right? after many mental tries, the words were eventually formed and spoken, "jesus is lord."

    there have been times in my faith walk when the unexpected happened. like, loosing my ability to walk, walking woozy at mc donalds, being drunk with no substances in my system, and falling down on the floor in the front of the church with other parishioners, during ministry time. The king james bible records roman solders falling down like dead men at the tomb where jesus was buried. daniel, ezekiel, and john all fell down like dead men. it has happened to me, while being in the presence of one i could not see. 

but---letting tears roll, having muscles twitch and jerk, feeling repeat contractions in my chest and legs, the grunts and groans, laying on the carpet while the unseen interfaces with you---is all worth the release, healing, and calm that follows. unexplainable, yes. illogical, very. irrational, of course. still, it is biblical. the risen jesus and his holy interface is a reality. coming undone and unraveling in his presence is blessed.

   there is no one-time fix. that has not been my experience. mine has been a path where one is unwilling yet led. where a choice of yes comes with prompts from an outside source. a unnatural relationship. he breaks in and brings sanity to my life. everyone who calls upon this lord will be made sane. i am the one found clothed in my right mind.

Unraveling In His Embrace by Karl Marxhausen, 36 by 48 inches, acrylic on canvas.

Elsewhere art exhibit, All Souls Gallery, 4501 Walnut, Kansas City, MO. November 6th to December 2nd, 2011