so much joy, so much pain

       In this part of the universe the growing relationship with friends Charlie and Jennie, the moving of the Holy Ghost, going out to paint for the first time in two years, burden bearing the cries of my friend over the telephone, the yin and yang tug and push of God in my life -- it's all happening at the impulse of His love.
    A combination of stress over my friends last Saturday night, and the attack of pain in my upper left arm, drove me to seek relief Sunday morning at the E.R.
   The doctor recommended blood tests for me and said I should stay at the hospital all day Sunday, and over night. I was released around 10:30 am Monday morning. A distinct pain in my upper left arm prevented me from sleep. None of the blood testing relieved THAT sensation. I left the hospital with the same annoying pain that came in with me.
    Friends and family rejoiced that all the blood tested came out NORMAL. The cardiologist on Wednesday affirmed I am in the clear. Thanks for the many prayers on my behalf.
    As soon as I was released, my wife drove us over to a chiropractic clinic in Carrollton-- and what was DONE TO ME, quieted that distinct pain in my arm. That night I slept without THAT nerve signal keeping me awake.    I was negotiating a host of other "new pains" though. The ice gel pack I bought helped.
    I am hanging on to my faith in the goodness of the One who loves and leads me thru these pains. When I go to the grocery store I cannot linger while I shop. My neck muscles and body reactions are telling me to get done with business and get OUT OF THERE. My emotions are calm inside, my body is going haywire.

    So, now it's last Tuesday morning--while I am waiting for my weekly wound clinic appointment--the Holy Ghost is downloading new verses to a song I penned back in 1990, twenty-five years ago!! New verses out of the pain and joy I am experiencing right now! The walk with a god that is interacting with me daily, friendships, crisis, art, being mindful of my limitations, stepping out to sing in Charlie's living room, Jennie and him chopping up tree debris in our side yard, such big giving hearts, and now being pumped full of joy out of this re-mixed re-honed melody and verse.
     My leg nurse regarded me busy with my papers and pen on the waiting table, where I usually relax before being attended to. When the vibe is right it all flows together, I told her. She said it sounded like a gift. I told her, when the vibe is not there I can't do anything, it just won't work!!
    After the treatment and my ankle getting dressed with wrapping gauze, I hobbled back to the lobby, and plopped in a seat--to resume the re-write. I told Nancy Lock who passed by: "there is so much joy and so much pain right now. And God is bringing forth a new song to sing at church." She replied, "Looks like God is giving you creativity!!"

    Five days later the chant is ready. I have two versions. One is slow and clear for learning the verses. The second runs through the chant at a regular pace, what I envision will be the congregations pace later. The chant is based on Philippians chapter 4 verses 4 and 6. I've never been able to put music to it and, in my opinion, it is not meant to be a performance-song. But rather, something to say, speak, and get into your spirit. For faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Hearing it over and over builds a neural pathway and you remember the content, it becomes a part of who you are.

     All that You are has proven to be
     You act, You give, and You lift me
     You speak, You release,
     for this I give praise
     Sing it again !!
     Your name I raise.

I love these words. A declaration of where I am and who God is to me.