in the heat

Monday morning my wife and I went out biking on blacktop B in the heat. The ride was routine. We bike half way out, stop in the shade for a water bottle drink, and pedal back to the pickup truck at the beginning. When I loaded both our bikes in the back and sat in the cab with the air on I felt dazed, my mind was blank, the heat took myself away from myself. I had read about the dangers of heat exhaustion in the newspaper. It wiped me out. At home I drank cups of  tap water, sat on the sofa with the air-conditioner turned up. My wife urged me to go sit in the cold pool. The hot breeze cooled the wet skin, dipping down, water over my head, standing up, air cold, and going under again.  In time I came back to myself. Going out in the 100 degree heat for the hour workout was not wise. 

As an artist, I feel I am "on the sidelines." The busy-ness of art making has slowed to standstill. The scripture reading this morning began  " Do not fret..." and  continued "trust in God..." he's got your back, let him lead you. delight in the one who brings you through the heat (psalms #37)

This is the crucible, the extraction of crap. Those things I wanted to gloat in, have been with held. This place of waiting to see. Living, waking, doing my water exercises, staying out of the heat, trying not to force a hand, waiting to let it come, believing in God that it will, hoping, letting go. Being without the computer at home takes control out of my hands. It reminds me of other times when my higher power arrested my attention.  This week long triple digit heat shows me my determination can not complete against weather.  I would be a fool to go and paint in that kind of heat.

Till the temperatures drop, I will remain indoors.